I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
