I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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