Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
