Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
