Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
