Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
