I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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