Umm I'm too high to move.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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