What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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