I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
