On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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