I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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