so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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