i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
