i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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