I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
