Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize