She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize