You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
