i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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