3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
