Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
