I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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