I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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