Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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