if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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