Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
