It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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