they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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