Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
