So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
