I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion