so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?