If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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