I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize