I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
