"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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