Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it because I queefed?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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