You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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