Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
