So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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