Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
