So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize