you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
