I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
