I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize