Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
