when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize