she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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