Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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