I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
